Why Coldplay is Better than Everything

I think by now it should be obvious to anyone with half a neuron that Coldplay is better than everything (except Saint Michael Jackson and Anna Nicole - rest their souls.) But occasionally there are doubters - for instance recently I received an email from one of my millions of loyal readers..

Dear SRA,

I hate you.
Sincerely,
Mom

While you have some good points reader - I still believe my original contention stands - Coldplay is better than everything (except where otherwise noted.) Still - sensing your doubt - it is the intention of this blogger to put all such doubts to rest with irrefutable proof of Coldplay's dominance.

Exhibit A - before ever hearing a note of their music - you are presented with a powerful and enduring mystery. The name Coldplay. What IS a coldplay? Is it some kind of card-game? Is it a hockey thing? An Eskimo love maneuver? Maybe like their version of the Hot Carl. Who knows..

Exhibit B - the members of the band themselves. The commanding presence of lead singer - Ricky Martin - cannot be praised enough. Though his previous solo work produced such hits as "Living Da Vite Loca" and "She Bangs" (made famous by Asian sensation William Hung) - and his work with Mexican boy-band Menudo was similarly lauded, it's his work with Coldplay where he developed into a visionary of sound. There are other guys in the band too - they're awesome. I think one of them has one name - like Edge or Cher maybe - I think the dude's name IS Cher but maybe spelled different.

Lastly - there's the music itself. Here's where Coldplay stands alone. Other bands strive their entire careers to create a distinct sound and identity all their own. Coldplay is different - they borrow the most radio-friendly aspect of bands they admire - like U2, Radiohead, and U2 again - and have no actual identity of their own. They're like the musical equivalent of tofu or - better yet - gruel. In fact - Coldplay IS musical gruel - in that they seem utterly tasteless to everyone and yet consumed by (and barely sustaining) 90% of the world that the other 10% could care less about.

Thanks Ricky, Cher, and the other guys of Coldplay. I love you.