Interview with Coldplay's Ricky Martin

When taking the measure of an artist's career - the words "prolific" and "genius" are often over-used. But not this time.

From his beginnings as a child star in the hit TV sitcom "Silver Spoons", to his status as founding member of the ground-breaking Mexican boy-band Menudo, to his later solo act as Latin-heart-throb-turned-gay-singer, and now front-man for the world's greatest soft-rock band. Coldplay's Ricky Martin stands at the very peak of his artistic powers. We caught up with Ricky via telephone from his posh suite at the Amsterdam Hilton to discuss Coldplay's upcoming projects, coming out of the closet, and his marriage to Lady Gaga herself - No Doubt's Gwen Stefani.

Ricky: Hey...hello?

SRA: Hey man! How's it goin?

Ricky: uh..who is this?

SRA: I'm the soft-rock apologist..

Ricky: Uh...who..(mumbles in the background)..ok?

SRA: So after your turn as an adopted rich kid in Silver Spoons - people must have wrote you off. Were you tempted to change your name to "Rick" to let them know you were not "Little Ricky" anymore?

Ricky: What?

SRA: You know. To let them know you're "Big Rick" now and not just "Little Ricky."

Ricky: I think maybe you've got the wrong number.

SRA: Let's move on then.. Do you miss seeing Alfonso Ribeiro every day?

Ricky: Who?

SRA: Was he your first? I mean..

Ricky: Look man...I think maybe you've got..

SRA: ...I mean - er - was he your first - y'know - gay experience?

Ricky: You've got the wrong - (laughs) - I'm the singer for Coldplay!

SRA: We'll get to that in a moment.. did you even know you were gay at that time?

Ricky: Uh - I'm not sure you..

SRA: Well you were very young at the time.. so that would explain the confusion.

Ricky: Who is this again?

SRA: I guess too - with everyone calling you "Little Ricky" all the time - that might have added to the uncertainty.

Ricky: I'm not sure I follow.

SRA: I would have been confused if I were closeted gay caucasian kid pretending to be a hispanic kid playing an adopted wealthy caucasian kid. That and having everyone calling me "Little Ricky" both in-character and out?

Ricky: Okay?

SRA: Yeah - I'm right there with you man.. I would have wanted to change my name to Rick too.

Ricky: But that's not my name.

SRA: I think you're becoming confused again. Perhaps we should move on.

Ricky: Fine then.

SRA: So when was the last time you spoke to Alfonso?

Ricky: I don't know anyone by that name.

SRA: Wow...really?

Ricky: Yeah..really.

SRA: For real?

Ricky: Yeah. Why?

SRA: No..it's just..Seems cruel to deny the man that way.

Ricky: Well. I don't know him.

SRA: Okay. Sure. You don't "know him" - or so you say...whatever. Let's talk about Menudo.

Ricky: Okay?

SRA: Were the other guys in Menudo gay or was it just Little Ricky?

Ricky: I think it was just Ricky. Wasn't it?

SRA: Well I'm asking him..

Ricky: Okay - I'll wait.

SRA: Well were you?

Ricky: (silence)

SRA: Hello... well?

Ricky: (silence)

SRA: Are you going to answer?

Ricky: I'm sorry. Are you talking to me?

SRA: Who else would I be talking to?

Ricky: I thought you were talking to Ricky Martin?

SRA: We're back to that again? Fine - Rick Martin then.

Ricky: What did he say?

SRA: Jesus...

Part 2 of SRA's interview with Coldplay's Ricky Martin is coming soon..

Why Coldplay is Better than Everything

I think by now it should be obvious to anyone with half a neuron that Coldplay is better than everything (except Saint Michael Jackson and Anna Nicole - rest their souls.) But occasionally there are doubters - for instance recently I received an email from one of my millions of loyal readers..

Dear SRA,

I hate you.
Sincerely,
Mom

While you have some good points reader - I still believe my original contention stands - Coldplay is better than everything (except where otherwise noted.) Still - sensing your doubt - it is the intention of this blogger to put all such doubts to rest with irrefutable proof of Coldplay's dominance.

Exhibit A - before ever hearing a note of their music - you are presented with a powerful and enduring mystery. The name Coldplay. What IS a coldplay? Is it some kind of card-game? Is it a hockey thing? An Eskimo love maneuver? Maybe like their version of the Hot Carl. Who knows..

Exhibit B - the members of the band themselves. The commanding presence of lead singer - Ricky Martin - cannot be praised enough. Though his previous solo work produced such hits as "Living Da Vite Loca" and "She Bangs" (made famous by Asian sensation William Hung) - and his work with Mexican boy-band Menudo was similarly lauded, it's his work with Coldplay where he developed into a visionary of sound. There are other guys in the band too - they're awesome. I think one of them has one name - like Edge or Cher maybe - I think the dude's name IS Cher but maybe spelled different.

Lastly - there's the music itself. Here's where Coldplay stands alone. Other bands strive their entire careers to create a distinct sound and identity all their own. Coldplay is different - they borrow the most radio-friendly aspect of bands they admire - like U2, Radiohead, and U2 again - and have no actual identity of their own. They're like the musical equivalent of tofu or - better yet - gruel. In fact - Coldplay IS musical gruel - in that they seem utterly tasteless to everyone and yet consumed by (and barely sustaining) 90% of the world that the other 10% could care less about.

Thanks Ricky, Cher, and the other guys of Coldplay. I love you.